Right now (I’m writing this on Tuesday 24 September) I’m enjoying some post planning glow where I feel everything is under control. Of course, there’s still a sh•t tonne of work to be done for my exhibition in February – blurb to be written, poster designs, beer sponsorship and more – but for the moment it all seems possible, on paper at least, so I’m going to enjoy the calm.

This is a welcome change as I’ve been feeling quite anxious about it all.1 In particular I’ve been struggling with the painting. I’m wrestling with the content, if that’s the right word. I have a strong aversion to narrative and am struggling with my tendency to perceive paintings as objects rather than windows into another world or even as images. This affects how I relate to the work.

I can of course, look at it formally – is it feeling balanced, does it need this colour or that shape, does the work feel coherent? Thinking about composition I have to be careful not to slide into thinking about “image” as this trips me up. Perhaps I need to tweak my understanding of image or live with being uncomfortable with the work for a while just to see what happens.

That said, the paintings I’m happy with have a coherence, an internal integrity. It’s this integrity I’m looking for in the pieces I’m struggling with, which means I will need to keep pushing and changing them until they lock into place.

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Not necessarily unrelated:

“Stay loose. Let go. There are other bananas.”

From a blog post by Frank Chimero.

Some Instagram eye candy for you.

I’ve been thinking about the different elements for my show in February:

• paintings
• black out drawings
• small drawings
• wall work
• and possibly posters / photocopies in some form

Looking at my paintings, I’ve half a dozen small works I’m happy with, all quite idiosyncratic. I need more, that’s for sure. And I’m trusting they will make sense when shown together.

I’ve yet to decide how best to show the works on paper. They could be framed, pinned to the wall as is, perhaps even photographed with the resulting image being enlarged, framed and hung.

As for the wall work – I’ve yet to decide what, where, even if I want to include one. How it will (or won’t) work with the paintings is something I’m acutely aware of. There are also practicalities to consider – having four or five days to install may sound like a lot of time, but it limits what can be done, especially when you take drying times into consideration.

I’m also beginning to think about the works in relation to the space at Toi Pōneke – it’s pretty big and has it’s oddities, all of which influence where the works may be installed. At the moment it’s like trying to complete a jigsaw puzzle without having either the picture on the box or all of the pieces, but I’m getting a good idea of what might be missing.

Hands a little damp and cold after washing my brushes. A couple of hours of painting and five pieces have been moved forward. Well, moved somewhere. The smallest work needs a black corner changed to a blue and that may be enough. One of the square panels, is looking pretty ugly and I’m unsure as to where it’s going. There are great details in it, which I’ll no doubt have to lose before the work is finished. The third piece, another square panel, feels slower and probably needs to be worked in such a way. A smaller panel lies flat, the thin paint drying. It’s still got some way to go. As for the fifth panel I’m tempted to paint most of it a flat mid grey – well, as flat as the underlying textures will allow. Right now much of what I’m working on feels uncertain and up in the air, so I’ve got to trust the process.

That thing where I make a painting, almost out of nowhere, right at the end of a painting session and it feels good. Complete even.

Will it survive the night?

Under fresh (or not so fresh) morning scrutiny it may wither, its thinness revealed in the bright light of a new day. Or perhaps it will stand its ground, remain strong and make it into an exhibition.